


superhero (ON HOLD)

by jaeseokie



Series: childhood memories [1]
Category: Monsta X (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Adulthood, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Children, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Attempted Murder, Childhood, Childhood Memories, Childhood Sweethearts, Domestic Violence, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Growing Up, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Domestic Violence, Post-Blind Betrayal, Teenagers, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, hinted jihan, small mention of jihan, small mention of verkwan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-02-02 20:07:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 16,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12733428
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaeseokie/pseuds/jaeseokie
Summary: his knight in shining armor. choi seungcheol. his hero.the angel. the one who almost broke his leg. yoon jeonghan.they grow up. they love.and then everything goes to shit.(a jeongcheol coming of age au)





	1. one || the slide of fear

 

 

jeonghan looks up at the huge, rainbow colored tube slide, falling back and onto the ground when he hears the loud laughing of the older kids sliding down, hopping off the slide and pushing jeonghan onto the ground once again when he tries to get up. the wooden mulch scratches him again, the boy letting out a whimper as he struggles to stand up, wobbling abit when he successfully does. with shaky hands, he walks up to the stairs of the playground, putting one foot up on the first step.

_cmon, you can do this._

and another, gripping onto the cold metal rail. jeonghan pulls himself up and he puts another foot on the top step, soon getting to the top, his whole body shaking as older kids dash by him, making him plummet into the tube slide, him letting out a loud squeal as he holds onto the beginning of it, starting to cry. "h-help! h-help!" he cries out, the older kids ignoring him and running off. jeonghan cries even harder, waiting for someone to help until he gets shoved down the slide by the older kids, crying a waterfall by now as he fly's out of the slide, shooting through the air.

jeonghan knows he's going to break a arm, making him squirm around until he lands in a first graders arms, the boy holding him tightly as he faints.

\--

the boy wakes up on a white bed, a bright light stabbing his eyes.

he's in the nurses office.

"oh, you're awake!" the lady cheers, sitting the small jeonghan up. "you only got a few cuts, hun. you fainted once you landed in your little knights arms!" jeonghans eye brow raises. knight? like a shining armor, muscular knight? his insides twist and turn as a blush flushes across his face.

"a-a knight? i-in shining a-armor?" the nurse laughs before nodding, patting jeonghan's back.

"he chose to stay anonymous. he's such a sweet boy."

jeonghan hops off the bed and takes the nurse note, waddling back to his class after checking the time. thank god his mom showed him how to read time in pre-k. he smiles widely as he goes into his homeroom class. but what he didn't know is in the corner of his eye, his knight in shining armor walked.


	2. two || knight

jeonghan couldn't stop thinking about this anonymous hero in shining armor.

he ran home with band-aids on his knees and his elbows, one on the side of his eye as he heaves the door of the house open, putting his backpack on the hook and his lunchbox on the counter after climbing onto the stool, looking up at his mom who was washing dishes, looking at jeonghan for a split second and smiling at him.

"how was your day today, hannie?" he smiles widely. "it was great! today i got scared because of this huge tube slide that the hyungs and unnies usually slide down on and i went on the playset so scared to death and shaking until the older kids pushed me into it by accident! i ended up sliding down and flying out and thats when my knight and shining armor caught me mommy! i got these cuts and bruises but i'm lu-"

"what?!? you were hurt jeonghan?!? and stop talking too fast, you're turning red."

jeonghan takes a breath, "i'm lucky i didn't break something! and look, i made a drawing of him!" jeonghan holds up the small crayon drawing he drew in free time, jeonghan's mom wiping her hands dry before looking at it. stick figure jeonghan was being held in a big stick figure knights arms, with a red cape flying behind it. in messy writing there was 'ill save you, jeonghan!' in blue.

he yanks the picture away and runs to his room, grabbing the tape and taping it onto the wall on the side of his bed, cutting himself abit with the blade. he puts the tape away and runs back to his room, admiring his crayon drawing.

"hey, jeonghan! your american hyungs are here!" jeonghan quickly grabs his cap and puts it on before running downstairs, tripping over one stair and falling before picking himself back up, blinking in realization for alittle as vernon and joshua slightly laugh. 

"can i play with them pleaseee?"

"did you do your words?"

jeonghan nods.

"alright, but be back by the time your father gets home-" and jeonghans out the door by the time his mother says that.

"hello!" the younger says in his best english once hes out the door, waving at joshua and vernon. they start walking towards the small park in the neighborhood. jeonghan admires his american hyungs who have fun games to play everyday after school, after he does his homework of course. the two hyungs are both second graders, vernon from new york and joshua from LA. when jeonghan found out about this, he instantly went home and asked his mother about it. apparently they came from big cities just like seoul, which made him instantly admire the pair.

"so, i heard you have a little knight hmm?" vernon says, ruffling jeonghan's hair.

"yeah! i don't know what his name is, sadly. all i know is that he's a first grader." his eyes sparkle as he talks about the boy in shining armor.

"does jeonghannie have a little cruuush?" joshua teases, running forward and climbing onto the swings since the park was only a block away as jeonghan pouts, running after him and leaving the other behind.

"yaaah! he's not my cruuush!"

"do you even know what gender this person is? boy or girl?"

jeonghan stops in his tracks, scratching his chin. "i-i don't know. but they did f-feel abit muscular!"


	3. three || the knight returns

the next day at school, kinder-gardener jeonghan runs up to the first graders during recess, asking every single boy if he was the one who saved the boy who was flying in the air. they laugh at him before ignoring him and walking away, a boy in a white shirt , overalls and beat up shoes looking at jeonghan, blinking before walking away with the rest of the first graders. he swears that's him due to his body type, blushing and looking down. his friend, seungkwan, a clumsy kinder-gardener who he didn't ask because he's a little chunky but jeonghan doesn't care nonetheless, seeing him blush.

"ooooh! hannie's got a cruuush he's got a cruuush!" seungkwan teases, giggling as jeonghan tries to hit him, seungkwan dodging the younger. "yah! no i don't! how would you like it if i told vernon about your little crush!" the boy instantly pushes jeonghan, growling. "says the one who has a boycrush bigger than mine!' he shouts so loud that everyone get's quiet, even the teachers look as jeonghan tears up.

"no, no, jeonghan, i'm sorry-"

he runs, off of the playground and into the building, grabbing his backpack once he's in his homeroom, grabbing his bunny stuffed animal he brought for show and tell that day, running out of the school as the teachers scramble to catch him, jeonghan being too fast as he ends up panting once he gets only a block away from the school. he feels sick, almost like he's about to throw up.

reaching for his water bottle in the pocket of his backpack, the heat gets to him as jeonghans legs wobble and for the first time that month he faints on the burning pavement.

\--

"ow ow ow!" jeonghan wakes up screaming and crying, feeling the terrible burning pain like if he was on fire. his vision is blurry because of the tears as he cries hard, the mysterious person taking jeonghan in their arms. he instantly calms down, not feeling the burning pain as he's placed back on the bed, getting wrapped up into a cover.

"there. i did it."

"good job, you're such a gentleman."

"is my son okay?" _his mothers voice._

 _"_ yes, he's fine. my own son here helped him." 

"thank you, thank you. what's your name?"

"seu-"

and jeonghan dazes off to sleep.

he wakes up the next morning in his bed, jeonghan's whole left side of his body covered in bandages. jeonghan touches one, instantly regretting it and letting out a loud groan, tearing up, soon finding himself crying into his mothers arms. the atmosphere feels weird, like if she know's something about the boy who saved him from being left fried like a piece of bacon. jeonghan pulls away after he calms down, looking at his mother with sparkling eyes.

"m-mommy, d-did you see my knight?"

jeonghan's mom sighs.

"no, hannie. i didn't see him." the answer makes jeonghan look down with a small pout before nodding and getting under the covers. his mom goes down stairs, looking over to his father.

"we're not letting jeonghan _ever meet_ his so called superhero."

"but-"

"don't _even_ say a word! he _**will not**_ be falling in love with a _boy_!" he snarls before stomping upstairs and into their shared bedroom, leaving the girl behind. jeonghan's mom puts her head into her hands, shaking it. they can't keep seungcheol back from jeonghan forever. it's puppy love, is what his grandma called it.

just puppy love, _right_?

 


	4. four || lost and found

jeonghan desperately looks for his knight, weeks later when he's all healed up. he badly wants them in his life, no matter what he has to do.

"do you know anyone with the letters of seu in the beginning of their name?" he asks a kindergardener, but just gets shoved to the ground instead. jeonghan sighs as he tears up and gets himself up, dusting his overalls that he wore that daay. jeonghan sighs again, wiping the tears away and walking over to the sandbox, his usual escape from the meanies and kids who think jeonghan is just a quiet freak in beat up overalls - especially when seungkwan isn't there. seungkwan is gone sick with the flu, which makes jeonghan even more sad as he plops down into the sandbox and digs out his toys that he buried there weeks ago, grabbing his shovel and bucket and starting to put sand into the bucket, struggling to turn it over and make a tower. 

"do you need help with that?"

jeonghan shakes his head no, knowing it was one of the kids who wanted to kick his tower down.

but the kid doesn't. they sit down and turn over the next bucket of sand that he had with no struggle at all. jeonghan's shocked as he looks up at the boy, then back at his arms.

they were a bit beefy, but not that much. it didn't look like the boy had just lifted weights, which would be practically impossible for the boy. jeonghan giggles at his own thought, the boy giving him a soft smile and ruffling his hair. "hey, my flying boy." jeonghan's eyes instantly widen when he realizes it's him. it's his knight in shining armor, jeonghan's superhero. "i-it's you!" he squeals out, wrapping his arms around the other and hugging him tightly, the first grader smiling as he rubs jeonghan's back. he smiles like crazy as they both start to build a huge sand castle, jeonghan finally getting his superhero's name.

"seungcheol."

jeonghan says. he loves the way it sounds as he repeats it again.

"seungcheol."

seungcheol looks at him, his eye brow raised as if to ask "hmm?" but jeonghan just shakes his head as he starts filling the bucket up with more sand, heaving it up to seungcheol who puts the third floors rooms on before decorating it with pebbles and mulch. they admire their creation at the end of recess - a three story high sand castle, decorated with sticks, leaves, mulch and pebbles carefully placed on to look like a real castle. the other students come up to look at it in awe as the older wraps his arm around jeonghan and looks at him, smiling.

" _we_ did it, cheollie." 

\--

jeonghan skips back home with a smile on his face as he puts up his backpack and jacket, running upstairs to his room. he takes out his crayons, scribbling the things he did with his superhero today. 

five pictures taped to the wall later, his father comes in. looking at the drawings of the two boys, he glances over to jeonghan who's busy scribbling up another one. his father grunts before ripping them off, jeonghan swinging around and bursting into tears as jeonghan's father rips his masterpieces into tiny little pieces before pouring them all on him. he storms out, slamming the door closed.


	5. five || do's and dont's of superheros

the tears came pouring out as soon as he saw seungcheol waiting for him at the sandbox, mindlessly playing with the sand. seungcheol hears his sobs, perking up and instantly running to the fragile jeonghan, leading him to the sandbox and sitting him down. with concern filling his eyes, he wipes away jeonghan's tears and looks at him. something happened yesterday. or this morning. the younger had bruises all over his face, like if suddenly someone had slapped him over and over and over, and never stopped.

 _what a big meanie.._ seungcheol thought, pulling jeonghan into his arms and hugging him tightly.

"hannie, what happened? why is there bruises on your face? did a big meanie hurt you? was it one of the first-"

"no!" he sobs out, gripping onto seungcheols shirt tightly and crying into it. he realizes it's a manga one, pulling away quickly before seungcheol grabs him again. "cmon, tell me. please?" jeonghan looks up at seungcheol, tears still going down his face and making his eyes red, him refusing to tell him and shaking his head no. the older sighs, stroking the boys hair.

"you know, your superhero won't help you if you don't tell him what happened."

that gets jeonghan talking.

"w-well...my d-daddy found out about the p-pictures i d-drew of us.. a-and a-and i drew a heart on o-one of them which made him rip them i-into little pieces and then, then..." jeonghan erupts into tears again, seungcheol frowning as he pulls jeonghan off of him and kisses the boys forehead, making his cheeks tint pink. he looks jeonghan straight in the eye, a sudden look of determination in his eyes.

"you're walking home with me today."

and jeonghan suddenly realizes that seungcheol wants to beat his dad up.

\--

seungcheol stops in his tracks, gulping as he looks at the door of jeonghan's house.

"d-don't do it if you want t-to die."

he looks over at jeonghan, taking a deep breath. "i got this, okay? don't worry about me." he instantly goes up to the door, it being unlocked from jeonghan's parents knowing he'd come running in. jeonghan watches as seungcheol enters the bull pit, shaking as tears line his eyes. he's going to lose seungcheol. he knows it. 

but jeonghan can't lose him, not already.

"p-please..d-don't do it cheollie.." he starts shaking even more when he doesn't hear anything, then a loud burst of screams come from the door. his legs turn into putty as he falls to the ground, jeonghan crying into his hands, overcome in fear and anxiety. jeonghan's mother storms out with a backpack and suitcase, grabbing her son and running down the street.

away from seungcheol. away from his home.

it makes jeonghan cry even more to the point that he's choking on his own tears, desperately trying to get out of his mothers grip to go in there and be his own superhero.

**_"SEUNGCHEOLLIE!"_ **


	6. six || lost and lost again

 

weeks pass and jeonghan still doesn't see seungcheol waiting for him in the sandbox. his mother hasn't mentioned anything about his father and neither his superhero ever since that day. it makes his stomach twist at the thought of what his father did to his superhero - possibly killing him in the process which makes jeonghan burst into tears when he thinks of that.

and now he's alone again in the sandbox.

no seungkwan.

seungkwan had switched schools weeks earlier, right after he couldn't find him at the play ground once. now he's lonely and a emotional mess. so as day 21 - jeonghans been counting - passes by, he wonders if he'll ever see his knight in shining armor again while trying to heave the huge pail of sand to the spot where their last sandcastle was built, with seungcheol's help of course. his strength was incredible to the point where he could even pick up all of the kindergardeners, or maybe it was because they were all short, skinny and had babyish features just like jeonghan. seungcheol could only life jeonghan over his head which lead him to believe he was superman's son.

or well, it could've been because jeonghan's the skinniest kid in the class.

the memories give jeonghan a warm feeling and he feels tears brimming his eyes again as he walks towards the line of kindergardeners getting ready to go inside.

\--

jeonghan doesn't go home that day. or well, his aunts house in another neighborhood - which was thankfully, right next to his old one and closer to his school - he walks right pass it and takes the couple steps into his old neighborhood, looking down and approaching the park his american hyungs and him used to play at. they've been way too busy with tests, sadly, which makes jeonghan lonely again. sitting on the stairs that lead up to the wonders of the playset, he continues looking down, closing his eyes.

he can hear the loud laughing of his american hyungs and him, the loud sound of the pews when they used to play star warrior, a game that vernon made up since he had seen some of the star wars movies, which was very popular in america. jeonghan starts wondering how big the whole country was, since he's never seen a world map. just a map of korea as a whole.

jeonghan looks up and straight forward, seeing a butteryfly fly past which makes him think of the times they used to try catch butterflies and end up killing them, which makes him be engulfed in a warm feeling again with tears brimming his eyes.

\--

the next morning, jeonghan is shaked awake at well, six in the morning.

he checked the alarm clock in the room he was staying in before dressing in his favorite pair of overalls and a shirt with stripes going down it. he gets yanked out of the room unexpectedly and is shoved in the car.

he watches the lights swim over the car, the sky being shades of pink and blue, which makes jeonghan smile. his eyes are glued onto the cars passing by, loving the back seat even more. he wishes he never has to go to the front seat, which would suck. jeonghan secretly uses the word 'sucks" behind his mothers back, even though he's been constantly scolded not to say the word. he shrugs before he's taken out of the car suddenly, carried inside a building. 

jeonghan's mother holds jeonghan for a minute before setting him down in front of someone, kissing the boys forehead before leaving without another word.


	7. seven || now im lost (please find me)

jeonghans lead to a room with only one bed, a table with pencils and paper with a tv in front of the bed. the room looks clean, with some signs of aging as they push him in a bit and he's left there alone. jeonghan looks around, seeing a dresser hiding in the corner. he goes up to it and opens the drawer at the bottom, since he's too short to reach the ones higher up and looks throughout it. theres t-shirts, button ups and boxers with cartoon characters on them, which all look abit too big. it makes jeonghan sigh because he still doesn't know how to button those kinds of shirts up, closing the drawer to continue looking around.

he badly misses seungcheol, sighing as he crawls up onto the bed, hanging his legs off of it while sitting. the sun starts to rise and so does his memories of the boy even though they seldom talked during bathroom breaks and lunch, since he was the type to just shove food in his face. but all the times at the sandbox had been enough for him.

minutes later, a tall boy who's name was mingyu pops in, closing the door behind him and pulling out the chair from the desk, sitting on it. he looks at the younger with ease before his face turns into a warm smile.

"i'm mingyu. you must be jeonghan right? i'm one of the oldest here, even though i'm only twelve. no one has ever gotten me out of this place..." mingyus voice trails off and he looks away from jeonghan, his eyes trailing to the window. "so. you're new here. this place is well, kind of crazy. there's just a whole diversity of random people here who were dropped off." jeonghan looks up at him from the floor, his eyebrow raising. his mother wouldn't leave him,  _right?_  he gulps before asking the question thats been stuck at the back of his mind ever since he got here.

"w-why am i here?"

\--

the day passes on slowly and he soon finds himself in the rundown playground in the back of the building, staring into the moldly sand that was contained inside it. theres a broken shovel and pail in there, but the pail looks like even if you put one speck of sand into it, it'll blow. jeonghan sighs, sitting next to it as he can hear the loud laughs from the other boys playing army inside. he's not into that stuff - only space warrior and building sand castles.

it feels like seungcheol's out there somewhere, trying to find him. looking throughout every cave, inside every sewer, up every tree and inside every building, even the nooks and crannies of things. missing seungcheol hurts way more than missing his mother. 

mingyu never told him _why._

he just walked out without another word.

jeonghans face is soon covered in tears as he hides his head in his knees, crying everything out from the past few weeks. from seungkwan leaving him, seungcheol leaving him, his american hyungs ditching him and his mother ditching him, it feels like everyone's slowly drifting away from five-year-old jeonghan. just kicking him to the curb and leaving him, weak, bleeding and crying his ass off. 

or at least it _feels_ like it.

jeonghan knows he doesn't deserve this.

and it all started with ** _his_** superhero


	8. eight|| all alone

jeonghan's sixth birthday passes and he realizes it's been a couple months since his mother left him. he still has no idea where he is, why he was put here and why were all the boys bullying him for staying away and not apparently 'serving his country' in army. he wants to badly tell them he'd rather play space warrior, but that'll just make it worse. jeonghan now spends his days just plopped next to the sandbox, staring deeply into the sand like if he could bring seungcheol up from it and feel his arms wrapped around him again.

mingyu finally got tired of him asking the question of why he was put here and ended up kicking the boy to the curb too. from all the beatings he's getting from the older kids, jeonghan now has several bandaids on his arms and two under each eye, several on his legs and knees which earns him the name of mummy.

_mummy. what a great name for a boy like me._

he sighs as he hears the bell for dinner, pushing himself up off the ground and walking in, sitting at the long cafeteria table all the way at the end. he has a whole half to himself since they're too scared to sit by the biggest weirdo in the building. the boys all quickly get served, jeonghan slurping up his ramen because that's the only thing they have these days until mingyu sits right next to him, looking down.

"do you think you can take the _truth,_ jeonghan?"

jeonghan looks up from his ramen, slurping up the noodles he had in his mouth, wondering why mingyu even sat here as he nods.

but can he really take the truth?

mingyu takes a breath before going on, "the reason why your mother left you here is because , of your father. your dad didn't want someone like you in his family so he instantly disowned you after the fight with seungcheol. she had to follow his orders even though she didn't like his views and took you here. this is a orphanage, jeonghan. you're a **_orphan_**."

and jeonghan doesn't take it. he instantly storms out of there and back to the beat up playground, screaming as he digs through all of the old, moldy sand in anger. jeonghan reaches the bottom and starts punching it as hard as he can, the boys knuckles instantly getting bruised which makes the boy scream in pain. he can't take being a day without seungcheol anymore, he just can't take being away from everything.

he looks at the fence and starts climbing, his feet gripping onto each of the fence holes easily, soon throwing himself over and hitting the ground with a thud. jeonghan lets out a cry as he scrapes his knee, instantly getting up. he's already used to the pain due to all the beatings. all of them. jeonghan just starts to walk away from the orphanage, soon finding himself in a small city as he looks around at all of the traditonal buildings and beautiful scenery in awe.

"hey kid, what are you doin here?"

he looks around, looking at the teenager with wide eyes. "i-i uh.."

"this is gangneung and this is my fuckin' part of town. now get your scampy ass out of here."

jeonghan instantly runs off as fast as he can, tripping on a exposed tree root after his sweat-inducing run that leaves his shirt sticking to his back, falling flat on the dirt. he let's out a slight whimper before getting back up to see a river. he looks at the beautiful river in awe - the moon reflecting off of the river and beautifully shining in the sky - which reminds him of the story his mother used to tell him if he ever came here with anyone he loved. he closes his eyes and swears he feels his mothers prescense and her breath in his ear.

then he hears it.

_"it's said that a person can see the moon five times here, hannie. one sees it in the sky, then the pond, in their drinking glass and one in their lovers eyes."_

"will i ever be able to see it, mommy?"

and his question is left unanswered as he plops down at a bench and just stares into the river.


	9. nine || save me again, please

jeonghan finds himself waking up the next morning shivering, curled up in a ball as the little sunlight that day squeezes through the trees hes under. the boys freezing cold, his teeth chattering even more with every breeze as he sits up, stretching and then instantly cringing because of the cold. he looks around at all of the people who had came that freezing day, bundled up in huge jackets while jeonghan was struggling to even keep warm with the little body head he had.

he hops off the bench and seeks out for refuge, or just a small little shop where he can keep warm for a bit in. jeonghan sees a movie theater ahead and fits in with one of the familes, luckily sneaking in and feeling the warm air hit him as he stands still, smiling. people start to notice the small boy in the middle of everyone, one almost walking up to him which makes him run into a corner, rubbing his arms with his hands.

jeonghan starts thinking of seungcheol again, feeling his broad arms wrap around him and he melts into the feeling, closing his eyes. he can feel seungcheols presence, the boys hair touching his face as seungcheol blows warm air into his cheeks to keep him cold like he used to when jeonghan didn't have a jacket and it makes him break into a warm smile. " _yah, jeonghan, you're so cold."_

he's suddenly jolted out of his fantasy as a muscular hand grabs him by his overalls and lifts him up in the air, huffing. "what do you think ** _your_** doing here little _boy_!" the voice demands before jeonghan's thrown out the door, scraping his knees again as he slides across the pavement, dirt getting all over his clothes and making them look even more beat up. he forces himself up with wobbly legs as blood trails down them, jeonghan tearing up when he feels them burn. he can't take all of this anymore. his tough posture is torn now, floating away in the wind as he bursts into tears.

everyone starts looking at the crying boy and his knees as jeonghan falls onto the ground because of how weak he was from not eating anything in three days, someone rushing up and taking jeonghan into their arms.

_"somebody get a ambulance, he needs help!"_

\--

"appearently he's a orphan. a runaway from a orphanage in the area before gangneung. says right here he's only six and suffered dehydration and abit of starvation, having several wounds and scrapes to his face, arms and knees from the kids there. we need to quickly get him into a family or another orphange." 

jeonghan stirs awake after hearing that, squinting over at the doctors who were just now walking out. he jolts awake when he sees them to the sight of him laying in a hospital bed, a iv connected to him and bandages all over his body. he sighs when he sees him, laying back down and staring at the ceiling. this is it. he's going to be separated from everything if he's taken into a family. he wants to be with seungcheol again, not put into another family. he wants to be stuck in a orphanage again so he can runaway and look for him.

the yearning for the older is stronger than before as he feels himself tearing up again. jeonghan wants his knight in shining armor again to whisk him away from all of this mess. to save him again. to talk to him again. to hug him again.

his pity party is interupted when a doctor comes in with two people, a beautiful girl with long, silky brown hair and a somewhat bulky guy, his biceps almost protruding out of his shirt alittle as the black haired boy sits down next to the woman. the doctor smiles when they see jeonghan awake. "good, you're awake jeonghan. i would like you to meet jaeeun and heonwoo." they both nod, smiling at jeonghan which makes him shake abit and feel like crying again since he knows they are the possible new family for him.

"h-hi." jeonghan croaks out, heonwoo waving as the girl just smiles.

"we would like for you to get to know them, jeonghan. they might be a possible family to be adopted in!" the doctor cheers, walking out and leaving the three there.

"tell us alittle about yourself, jeonghan." jaeeun smiles which makes jeonghans stomach twist even more.

"u-uh..well...i-i'm yoon jeonghan and uh...i like dr-drawing, playing g-games and uh..." he swallows as they both stare at him, making him look down. "a-and seungcheol...my l-lost h-hero..." the mention of seungcheol makes jeonghan tear up, heonwoo patting his back.

"who's seungcheol?"

"h-he saved me when i a-almost broke a leg. i-i miss him s-so much... building sandcastles...drawing him, sharing food-" the memories make jeonghan burst into tears, heonwoo making a 'aigoo' sound as he takes jeonghan into his arms, patting his back. "yah, shh. don't cry jeonghan, we'll find seungcheol okay? i admire that you love this boy, or somewhat do." jeonghan wants to pull away but this is the only person he has as he cries into the boys shirt, being comforted by the olders soft voice.


	10. ten || maybe it's not that bad (it is)

the next week he finds himself in his new bed, in his new room, in his new house with his new family. apparently he has a little sister and a small little window room expanding from out of the house that gives a great view of the stars. half of the wall in there is covered in star maps marked with red marker if he saw the constellation and it gives him a warm feeling when he's marking a new constellation or when heonwoo comes in with hot chocolate to stargaze with him, which is the best. the older almost reminds him of seungcheol, which makes his heart ache but he always finds a way to push the feeling out.

jeonghan's now lying in his bed, staring at the drawings, which were his, of course, on the ceiling above his bed. they're drawings of him and seungcheol going to the moon and putting south koreas flag on it to seungcheol fighting off bad guys and saving jeonghan from the evil that's out there. he loves the small little fantasies of him and seungcheol doing whatever jeonghan's innocent little mind can come up with while heonwoo's always on the search for his lost hero. and it makes him wonder if he's even going to see him, or atleast just once, or just a glance of him so he can have his heart pound and stomach twist. the feeling makes him giddy and the older apparently describes it as love - but he's not in love with seungcheol. they're only best friends, and anyways even if he was he wasn't going to ruin their friendship.

maybe the new family isn't as bad if he has both of his parents desperately looking for seungcheol's whereabouts after disappearing after the fight with his dad.

\--

jeonghan's disturbed from his sleep from a bright light shining in his eyes, or at least thats what the light in his room feels like as he's waken up for his first day at his new school. jaeeun had enrolled him into the school last week after she knew she was going to adopt jeonghan because nobody else wanted to adopt the saddened, bruised up boy who who always quiet. he sighs as he hops out of bed and groggily walks to the clothes that are laid out for him - a over-sized black hoodie since he was winter, denim jeans and a red and white beanie. jeonghan slips them on and goes downstairs, seeing that two random people with brown and black hair were there helping with cooking, while his new mom and dad were setting up the table.

his eyebrow raises as he looks over at jaeeun, jaeeun smiling and motioning him to the join the two unknown figures in the kitchen but they turn around at the last minute, making jeonghan burst into a wide smile.

his american hyungs. they didn't abandon him.

"joshua, vernon!" he screams as he runs up to them, joshua and vernon hugging the small boy tightly, joshua smiling softly down at him and stroking his hair as jeonghan pulls back with tears in his eyes and a wide smile as he looks up at them. "i-i thought y-you abandoned me..." he croaks out, still smiling although the feeling of being abandoned was creeping up into his body, and jeonghan hated it. joshua lets out a slight chuckle and ruffles jeonghans hair. 

"yah, why would we leave our favorite six-year-old alone? hmm? also go look by the door." joshua says, the other nodding as he runs up to the door and sees a blue and black bike, making jeonghan squeal as he gets onto it, instantly falling off since he didn't know how to ride without training wheels, making him pout. heonwoo speaks up, walking over to jeonghan and picking him up, dusting him off abit. "today, han, your not going to school just yet. you're going to learn how to ride your bike."

it only makes jeonghan squeal louder to know that he wasn't going to school and his american hyungs would be riding with him. he already wants to run out and ride, but heonwoo directs him back to the table, sitting him down and putting a plate full of pancakes in front of him.

\--

he gets it down right away, flying by joshua and vernon as they go down the hill, cheering loudly as he takes a sharp turn, flying down the road as his american hyungs struggle to keep up, breaking in front of a house when he sees a boy peek out of the window and they quickly close the blinds, jeonghan raising eyebrow as joshua and vernon break right by him. they look over at jeonghan and then back at the window he was looking at.

"yah, what were you looking at hannie?" joshua hums out, looking at the younger.

"i swear i saw a boy right there. in that window."

"you guys were just seeing things. c'mon, heonwoo let us go get ice creams at the small convenience store in the neighborhood." vernon says before the two nod and follow him down the hill, a sudden quiet floating over the trio as they park their bikes on the side and go inside. jeonghan picks a ice cream cone in a white cup that catches the ice cream if it melts, the two others getting popsicles as they all walk out and see a random boy pass by them with his head down, a backpack hanging loosely from his shoulder with a huge white patch on his cheek.

jeonghan swears it seungcheol since the boy could hold the huge backpack all by himself on his shoulder easily to how tough his arms look. he takes a lick of his ice cream before shaking the thought out of his head. it couldn't possibly be him, his new father hasn't said anything about seungcheol living three blocks down. or maybe he just hasn't been simply searching for him, he thinks as the boy goes inside his house, not even getting a good look at him at all since his hair was covering the boys face.

vernon notices how much jeonghan was thinking since he had his tongue out the whole time, looking curiously at the boy who was walking in front of him as joshua just shakes his head and takes him off to the side, away from jeonghan and whispering in his ear.

"that was seungcheol. i know that little boys parents. they moved out of their old neighborhood because of 'casualties'. it turns out seungcheol was almost beat to death by jeonghan's birth father. he kind of won though since they can't charge him because he's too young and it was a act of defense apparently." joshua whispers in his ear and vernon turns back around to check if jeonghan was still there.

but he disappeared. so had his bike.

"jeonghan?!? jeonghan??"

\--

jeonghan was on the cliff that he and seungcheol went to the day that they _found each other_.

the memories were still floating around somewhere, tangled in with the aura of his broken self. he had heard what they said - joshua wasn't exactly the worlds quietest whisperer. jeonghan couldn't believe that seungcheol was just literally right there, in his neighborhood, three blocks down. he was there all along and jeonghan never knew. his new parents weren't even searching for seungcheol, more like they were keeping him away from cheol. he had been lied to and it made the boy even more crushed.

and now here was the sun going down as he hangs his legs over the cliff, the same place where seungcheol was hanging his legs off from. this cliff was now named angel's cliff when seungcheol found out the latter was born on angel's day. angel's cliff, he said, where the angel can be guarded by the _sun._

_seungcheol._

he was the _sun_ , the _light_ to all of jeonghan's problems.

jeonghan almost cries since he just now realized it.

he gets back halfway on his bike before just plain out hopping off again and sitting down. it feels like something is pulling him back to this place and he doesn't know if it's because of the fresh memories stored in jeonghan's head that's making him come back or just the feeling of seungcheol presence being around. but jeonghan knows he isn't feeling seungcheol. it's the gap in him thats replacing seungcheol. he pushes the feeling away and hops back on his bike again, riding away and back home.


	11. eleven || seungcheol

the next day at school, jeonghan tries to distance himself from everyone.

this is what got him the title of 'werido' at his last school, but he doesn't care. if he can find his knight like this, he'll take the title over seungcheol anyday. jeonghan looks around for a sandbox at this new playground, but there isn't one. just a huge row a swings in place of it, with huge playground sets everywhere. is this the punishment he gets for finding a family in seoul? being in daegu with his family for awhile was the best but now he's forced to live at his birth place.

the crowded, car filled seoul.

he already _hates_ the crap out of it.

jeonghan makes his territory on the last swing, looking down at his feet as he moves the swing alittle, people looking at him weirdly in his peripheral vision and he shakes off the looks. jeonghan doesn't care about them until another boy looks at him, with a white thing on his cheek. he feels himself getting hopeful since seungcheol had a huge white bandage on the side of his cheek, looking up.

but the boy had disappeared. 

the spark of his hope burns out as jeonghan looks back down, tears lining his eyes. they finally drop on his shoes and suddenly they just all pour out, falling down his face and on his neck as he gets up and runs off, taking shelter in a empty playground set in the huge tube slide. the tube slide was the only thing nearby that reminded him, or somewhat comforted him. he wishes he wasn't crying like this because he would get some older kids and tell him to push him down the slide with them going down so he can fly out again.

jeonghan sighs as his sobs die down and he's just left with tears flowing down his face as he lays his head against the slides wall inside of the tube. jeonghan just wishes seungcheol can appear out of nowhere and tell him everything was going to be okay, he wouldn't leave ever again and will always protect him. _always._ but that's only his fantasies.  the reality is cruel.

everythings actually cruel to him. reality, the school, his new parents and just plain out everything.

jeonghan just feels so _ **alone.**_

is it even _normal_ for a boy like him to feel this?

should he _tell_ someone?

no, that'll make it worse. the first person that finds out he's desperately wanting to see a boy he probably has feelings for - jeonghan thinks -would avoid him or even tell his new parents. his new parents are the only ones he has left. but jeonghan feels like they're slowly drifting away from him. he sighs before sliding down normally, hopping off and running to go line up, jeonghan's eyes red and face filled with dried tears.

\--

at lunch, everyone avoids sitting with him except a boy with a hood on from his pullover, opening his lunchbox and grabbing a peanut and butter and jelly sandwich out of it, taking it out of the bag and taking a bite. jeonghan looks up to see the boy eating it, his eyebrow raising when he realizes it was the same kind that seungcheol used to eat. he shrugs it off since everyone likes them and it couldn't be the boy. it just _couldn't_ be seungcheol. jeonghan sighs as he gets a scoop of his rice with his spoon, eating it before grabbing some kimchi and eating some too, humming in pleasure. he always loved the combination of kimchi and rice so much.

they had tteokbokki today, which he used to trade with seungcheol for one of his little small cup of ramen noodles and he's forced to eat the stir-fried rice cakes as he grabs his chopsticks and picks one up, putting it into his mouth. after a couple of bites, the other boy next to him places a candy on his tray out of the mystery boy's lunchbox as he takes the last bite of his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. jeonghan gags on his tteokbokki, looking over at the boy and shaking his head and plopping the candy back into the lunch box.

a small chuckle comes from him as he shakes his head and searches for more food in his lunchbox before handing him a small rice cake. jeonghan looks down at it, then up to look at the boy but by then he was already gone. his grade level had left, the first and second graders being left there with the teachers. jeonghan sighs before unwrapping the rice cake out of it's foil and taking a bite.

it had that small zing / taste of seungcheol's spice that he used to put on it, making him really think it was the boy. half of him was denying it while the other half was forcing him to run out and look for seungcheol. but there was just one hidden side of him that just made him continue eating the rice cake without getting up.

and that feeling / side is heartbreak.

\--

a few weeks after his sudden encounter with seungcheol, jeonghan bikes home, making sure to take a longer route that passed by seungcheol's house - or atleast he thinks - and no one at all, the car that used to be parked on the side gone. he sighs before riding up the hill and passing a few blocks before taking a turn, arriving at his house. he hops off his bike. jeonghan pushes it to the regular corner he has it in before going in with his backpack slung over his shoulder, avoiding his mother like a routine, avoiding the questions about how his day was as he goes up stairs, throwing his backpack to the side and closing the door.

his star maps had been left untouched and so had his crayons and pieces of paper, due to him just not caring about anything anymore. stargazing had become boring after heonwoo stopped gazing with him because he had gotten a new job in incheon which made him come home late, leaving him with the other. 

the crayons had been left untouched due to he couldn't think of more fantasies with seungcheol, being replaced with just nothing. jeonghan felt burned out, tired, sad and just a plain out mess.  

jeonghan knew these feelings were unusual for a little kid like him, but he still refused to talk about to seungcheol to anyone. even the new friend he had named jooheon, who was a quiet boy when he was around other people and pretty loud and jumpy when he was around jeonghan. he loved that about him, but not even jooheon's cheerful attitude could fix the emptiness he felt.

maybe he'll see him soon.

jeonghan can _feel_ it.


	12. twelve || mysteries and reunifying

jeonghan's laying on his bed spread out as he stares up at the drawings. some of their corners were peeling back alittle since the tape was losing its stickiness, jeonghan not caring at all. he had pushed the feeling of seungcheol being there, at his school and just down the block away. he knew it couldn't be true at all, because after what he heard about seungcheol, he was practically injured and dead to jeonghan.

but he still doesn't want to deny it.

he's a emotional and confused mess.

he gets up, hopping off the bed and staring at himself in the mirror. he had hit a growth spurt last week and apparently it was showing since how tight his clothes started to become to how he had almost hit the size of the third graders, which was odd since it was only in the last of the first semester. jeonghan sighs, realizing it was almost christmas and he still looked pale, weak and broken. 

or that's how he _thought_ he looked.

the happy, jumpy and lovable jeonghan was no longer there, replaced by _this._

a emotional, unlovable wreck, who's only thought was his heart-breaker -  a boy he used to love.

jeonghan needs to stop wallowing.

\--

he's stuck in his thoughts all day until he's called for dinner, realizing he was starving and doing the same routine of going downstairs, grabbing his food, coming back up to his room. he's stopped but he ignores it, continuing to walk upstairs. he puts his plate of food down on the dresser, going back to close the door before just staring at his plate of food. jeonghan finally takes a piece of the gimbap and takes a small bite of it before just shoving multiple pieces in his mouth, swallowing it all at once.

_"yah, cheollie, why don't you talk to me?"_

_seungcheol looks around at him with gimbap sticking out of his mouth, jeonghan giggling as the other swallows the whole thing._

_"well, i'm busy eating. and this gimbap is good - my mother made it. want some?" seungcheol hands him the last piece of gimbap and jeonghan splits it in two, giving seungcheol a piece. he gladly takes it, them shoving the gimbap in their mouths. jeonghan laughs as he swallows it, smiling at the other, the sparkling look in both of their eyes explains how much they're glued to each other._

_"seungcheol."_

_"jeonghan."_

the flashback stops abruptly, him seeing that the whole plate of gimbap was gone. he had been shoving pieces mindlessly in his mouth during it. jeonghan sighs and looks down, a dropped piece of gimbap catching his eye. he wants to pick it up and shove it in his mouth to try and recreate seungcheol's mothers gimbap. the food was the only clear memory he had of seungcheol which made jeonghan smile for the first time in months.

but what was the rest of the memory?

\--

seungcheol gulps as he walks to jeonghan's house, flowers that he picked clenched in his hand. he didn't know what else to give the boy since he didn't know what he liked. they had gotten older and taller, their maturities getting more strengthened. seungcheol didn't know if he still liked toy cars, drawing and playing with playdoh and always clinging onto him. 

actually, he didn't even know what the boy liked.

but it still doesn't explain the feelings he had for him when they met, never telling jeonghan a word about it. but what he didn't know is that jeonghan had the same feelings for him. it was so confusing about what he was feeling, why he was crawling back to jeonghan after their encounter at lunch that day with the rice cake. he wanted to get a laugh out ofhim with the candy and well, he did.

seungcheol smiles at the memory before realizing he was right there in front of jeonghan's adoptive parents house.

he takes a deep breath in before knocking.

_you can do this._

_just greet the parents, see jeonghan and go._

"yes?" seungcheol looks up to see his mother, clearing his throat when he realizes she's looking at him weird.

_they know._

"um, i would like to see jeonghan. i'm a old friend of his." seungcheol takes a deep breath out, hoping they atleast let jeonghan talk to him.

"come in." she says, seungcheol nodding as he looks around, awing at how nice the house looked. "jeonghan's upstairs." seungcheol nods, taking three steps. he freezes, shaking abit. what if jeonghan's reaction is negative? why is he suddenly so nervous? he quickly pushes the thoughts away and he finds himself right infront of jeonghan's door, which is cracked open slightly. it shows the boy starting out his window, holding a piece of - gimbap? he bites his lip before opening the door.

"go away."

"jeonghan-"

"i said-" jeonghan turns around to scream at the person who walked in his room, clenching the gimbap in his hand now before his grip goes soft, his eyes widening as he sees seungcheol, right there, right in front of him. it's real. it's not a ghost, it's real. he bursts into tears as he drops the food item and runs up to the older, hugging him tightly. seungcheol stays still in shock for awhile before wrapping his arms around the younger tightly with a smile.

"i missed you, hannie." he says with a calm voice, seeing how tall he got to the point where jeonghan's up to his shoulder, seungcheol kissing the side of his forehead.

his face erupts into a blush which makes the other giggle as the younger pulls away. seungcheol can't stop smiling and jeonghan can't stop blushing as they go to the window where jeonghan was looking out of, him seeing the gimbap on the floor. picking it up, seungcheol examines it before turning around to the other, holding it up. "how dare you eat someone elses gimbap!" he shouts playfully, them erupting into giggles.

soon enough, the pair are on the bed, jeonghan cuddling into seungcheol like nothing since he said he loved seungcheol's warmth and how lovely his hugs are - which made seungcheol blush - made jeonghan nuzzle into the olders chest with the boys arms wrapped tightly around the other. seungcheol smiles at how suddenly clingy the youngers gotten, to the point when seungcheol wanted to stand up and go ask for more gimbap, he refused to get off.

"jeonghan, pleaseee?" he begs, struggling to get the boy off of him.

"no!"

seungcheol realizes how a hassle it is just to get jeonghan off, giving up and struggling to get up, being tripped by jeonghan's foot which puts them in a awkward position - seungcheol pinning his arms down while he was ontop of him, the boy giggling like crazy. the older gulps and is about to get off before jeonghan's dad opens the door. seungcheol looking at him with wide eyes as heonwoo looks down as he coughs awkwardly and walks back out, closing the door behind him.

what a _great_ first impression.

he quickly gets off, fixing his pullover and walking out, returning with a plate full of gimbap. the others eyes widen and he runs up to it, grabbing two and shoving it into his mouth. seungcheol giggles, grabbing four and shoving them in his mouth, chewing them abit as he swallows them all. jeonghan looks at him with wide eyes, him barely even getting ready to swallow the food.

"yah, noo fairf!" he whines out, seungcheol laughing.

\--

"do you know what happened that day?"

seungcheols eyebrow raises as he looks down at the boy, still nuzzling into his side like a small little baby. he smiles at it before he goes back to his suspicious mood. "what day, hannie?"

"the day we first shared gimbap."

seungcheol gulps as he remembers the memory and what happened when they leaned in, the teachers scowling as the two boys did the action that many despise. he looks away, not wanting to tell jeonghan what happened at all. maybe if he didn't do it, he wouldn't just be reuniting with the younger again. he would still have jeonghan right now, their bond would be stronger than ever.

" _we kissed,_ jeonghannie. we kissed."


	13. thirteen || goodbyes to the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the short chapter and sorry if i dont post past thursday.

jeonghan and seungcheol set out over the weekend to replace the memories of the past with new ones.

seungcheol wins a huge stuffed bear at the arcade and he refuses to give it to the younger, but after a few dirty looks he gives it over, sighing but then smiling when he sees how much jeonghan is happy with it, showing the bear every single prize in every single claw game. he goes to go win another bear, but that ones taken away by the younger.

he finally gives up, walking around with jeonghan for awhile before jeonghan's stomach rumbles.

"cheollie, i'm hungry. can we just get back on our bikes and go back hooome?" he whines out, peeking out from his huge bears. seungcheol clicks his tounge and looks over at the boy. "yah! no, we need to make the weekend the best weekend you ever had with me. we're going to the pizza parlor down the street." he ruffles jeonghan's hair before he grabs one of the bears to hold for him, giggling when the younger playfully pouts at him. 

"cheollliee!" jeonghan whines out, hitting seungcheol who winces alittle and smiles as they go walk out of the arcade, the other grabbing the bears and putting him in his little basket that he has in the back of his bike, the two boys mounting their bikes and riding away. jeonghan still has the huge smile on his face whenever he goes down the hills or goes up them, seungcheol always taking glancing at him when he does. he's been even more happier then ever and he loves every moment of it - even the moments where jeonghan's eyes crinkle abit when the wind gets too much for him.

they finally drift and stop right in front of the pizza parlors door, them looking at each other and giggling as they lock their bikes up and go inside, seungcheol going to order while he leaves the younger playing around with the napkins, trying to make a crane out of them. he orders jeonghans favorite pizza, gets a weird look from the cashier, pays and goes back to see the table covered in napkins, jeonghan blowing one out of his face.

"yah, hannie!" seungcheol clicks his tongue as he cleans the napkins up by shoving them in his pockets, sitting down next to the antsy boy who instantly jumps onto the olders lap, rocking back and forth on it before plopping back on the seat, giggling. he shakes his head at the boy before flicking him in the forehead. "stop, please. calm down or no pizza." seungcheol says sternly which makes the boy instantly straighten up, him smirking at the authority he has over the younger and the (little) respect for his hyungs.

"why did you kiss me?"

the question is sudden as he looks over at jeonghan, who's staring into space. "it was a innocent kiss okay? it was just for a minute and then we instantly got separated, jeonghan. don't think much about it. i was tired."

"i liked it." seungcheols eyes widen at his response, the younger now looking at seungcheol and puckering up his face, him cooing at the boy. he can't say no to that. so he pecks jeonghan's lips and makes him erupt into a blush, him laughing after that.

the pizza is soon brought to the two ravenous boys, seungcheol instantly grabbing a piece of the pizza and gobbling it down, jeonghan following suit as he finishes half of the pizza in what seems record time, seungcheol finishing abit after. jeonghan smiles at seungcheol with a pizza sauce mouth, the older giggling and wiping off the sauce.

"was it good?" seungcheol asks while he wipes his mouth, jeonghan nodding frantically. "can we go hoome now?"

\--

seungcheol finally follows jeonghan's suggestion of going home since he was tired from eating all that food, their 'home' being a treehouse in the woods that seungcheols father built him when he was in kindergarden, moss patching the weak wood here and there with a torn rope ladder hanging from it. it had been abit reenovated by the boys during the week, him now not having a fear about the wood breaking and making jeonghan fall - which would make him scared to death of treehouses.

they both park their bikes on the side and jeonghan climbs up it first, switching on the lantern since it was almost night, it revealing all of the drawings they had taped everywhere of their adventures, making jeonghan smile at the memories of them. seungcheol climbs up behind him and takes a seat at the small little table they brought in, grabbing a drink out of the ice chest. they practically had it set in there - from the art supplies to the drinks to the snacks that they had stashed off, it was a mini wonderland for both of them.

when the snow came around that week, the two boys just bailed to their treehouse, ignoring the homework and everything they had to do just to play. that memory was taped at the front of the treehouse, kind of dirty from the wind.

"cmon hannie, sit down." jeonghan nods, placing himself right next to seungcheol and leaning into his chest, taking in his scent lightly with a smile. instinctively, the older instantly starts stroking jeonghan's light brown hair, cracking a small smile when he shivers because of the sudden blast of cold air which makes him get closer to seungcheol and nuzzle himself into his chest.

"jeonghan."

"hmm?"

_"i love you."_

a huge blush spreads across his face as he covers it, giggling alittle. this was the first time seungcheol ever said something like this.

"i love you too cheollie."

seungcheol smiles at his nickname as he looks down at jeonghan, who had now uncovered his face and was dazed off into his chest, sleeping peacefully. he gets up and lays his parka down, putting jeonghan ontop of it and wrapping him with another jacket. kissing the youngers forehead, he climbs down from the tree and starts to wander around, collecting pinecones, rocks and leaves for their collection, hearing a slight whimper from the treehouse after awhile. he quickly climbs up it and sees jeonghan looking around with a pout on his face.

"it's okay hannie, i'm here."


	14. fourteen || valentines day

it's that day where seungcheol confesses. 

or tries to.

he has the drawings in hand and a card he made jeonghan over the weekend as he steps into the third grade class room, wishing jeonghan was in his grade. they all look at seungcheol's things he's holding and whistles, him looking down and blushing as they all pat his back while walking to his seat. he sits down and puts the things in his backpack before a boy plops down next to him.

"so who is the lucky girl!" he says with a sing-song voice, seungcheol gulping.

"it's a boy, jihoon." seungcheol confesses, jihoon's face going blank as he blinks, nodding and going over back to his seat before spreading the news. everyone looks at seungcheol with a shocked look, him assuming that it was because he was in love with a boy from the lower grade. were they going to throw slurs at him? he thinks, hyungwon's eyes widening when he hears the news also, looking at seungcheol and shaking his head, looking away after that.

there goes his friend.

"okay, yeah, i'm in love with a boy in the second grade! that doesn't change who i am, okay?! yes, you guys have girl crushes and maybe a boy crush here and there" - hyungwon looks nervous after that - "but i have a crush on someone different! not the stereotyped girls and everything!" seungcheol shouts out, his fists clenched. the boys and girls just stare at him, most of the girls in mid tears since they just found out that their crush liked boys.

and then hyungwon stands up, gulping.

"i have a crush on wonho." wonho, looks at hyungwon with widened eyes, hyungwon calming sitting back down as wonho storms up to the other, placing a peck on his lips before going back to his seat. the students just watch in shock as he does that and hyungwon touching his lips in shock also.

and that's how the early morning valentine card ritual started.

\--

wonho gathered up his couage as everyone just watched as he steps up to hyungwon, who was blushing furiously in the middle of the playground, looking down shyly. he hands him the card with his confession and a kiss on the cheek, whispering something in the other boys ear that makes hyungwon's eyes be glued to the card as he  slowly reads it, mouthing out the words before looking up and saying the last ones out loud.

"hyungwon, i loved you since kindergarden. please, be mine?"

hyungwon tears up before nodding, wonho smiling as he engulfs him into a hug.

seungcheol just watches, not brave enough to confess to jeonghan infront of all these people. all these people just wouldn't clap as hard as they clapped for hyungwon and wonho, screaming and whooping to let them know the ritual of confessing in the playground had started. but he just didn't want to because he was scared of the judgements. and anyways, jeonghan didn't come to school that day.

must've been scared too.

seungcheol walks away from the crowd and sits on the swing, feeling as lonely and empty as jeonghan did on the day he saw the younger on the swing.

\--

"and that's how i lost my crush." seungcheol croaks out.

he's older now, about to be seventeen in a couple of days and bringing up the memory brang him to tearseverytime. he had always silently cursed himself while telling the memory because of his mistake. the thing wasy, jeonghan was actually at school that day and got asked by mingyu, the most charming kid in second grade. seungcheol had lost his chance and now he was lonely, drinking hot chocolate with one of his friends - which turned out to be the friend of wonho, kihyun.

they had always shared a close bond, always talking about their lost chances. or that was the only thing they bonded about.

seungcheol takes a sip of his hot chocolate, rocking slowly in the chair of his mothers front porch. they had moved back to daegu the next year after the boy's failed confession and seungcheol cried the whole way through. he was now miles away from jeonghan, never to see him again.

"have you ever thought about finding jeonghan?" kihyun asks, looking over at the other who was busy staring into the distance.

"no. not at all. i want to so badly."

"then it's christmas break cheol. go and find him. make you be his best present he ever had." he suggests, seungcheol chuckling and shaking his head, looking down.

"i told you, he has mingyu. he's probably getting fucked by him by now. kihyun, the thing is that i can't get him back now okay? i lost jeonghan and my only chance to have him. i miss his lips, his hair, his laugh, how he sounds when he talks, the feeling of his warmth when he cuddled me, dammit i just miss everything!" seungcheol growls, slamming his fist down on the arm rest.

kihyun sighs, putting his hand on seungcheols shoulder.

"look me in the eye."

seungcheol obeys.

"i believe you can get him back. go to seoul. get him seungcheol. i'll come with you. just go and find him."

"find the one you've been wanting. snatch him up."

seungcheol nods and gets up, going inside.

 

_\--_

_so sorry for not posting._

_it's christmas break for me._

_i've been torn up about this jonghyun thing._

_managed to distract myself abit but the heartache comes back._

_i probably won't post until next year._

_look forward to the new chapter if it ever comes._

_\- jae_


	15. note

_heeey guys, i'm back!_

_i need a quick opinion on the last chapter - did you like how now they are teenagers or nah?_

_please comment or anything, i need to know before i start writing the rest._

_if you guys don't like it, i'll rewrite the last chapter._

_if you do, well then i'll go on!_

_sorry i haven't been on, due to jonghyun and things that have been going on..._

_yeah, 2018 is going to be a rough year for me._

_so all i want to say now is, happy belated new year everyone._

_\- jae_


	16. sixteen || out of our reach

seungcheol sighs as he turns into the rest stop, looking over at the sleeping kihyun. they were barely in gumi and they were both already tired, kihyun knocking out in chilgok. he looks at all the cars that were there for the night before pulling his seat back, grabbing his phone.

_three missed calls from unknown number_

he sighs before throwing his phone back in the cup holder and closing his yes, soon drifting off to sleep.

in his dream jeonghan was tied to a chair with a blindfold over his face and duck tape covering and muffling the screams from his mouth.

"mingyu can't save you now."

suddenly theres a loud crush and seungcheol's face to face with mingyus head being crushed into the pavement. his heart starts to beat rapidly, seeing how jeonghan took it by squirming around in his chair, his screams louder as tears fall down his face like a waterfall.

and then seungcheol suddenly wakes up with a huge deep breath and a loud scream, sweat pouring down his back and matting his hair. kihyun jolts up at the sudden scream and looks at the shaking younger, instantly engulfing him into a huge as seungcheol cries into his shoulder. "k-kihyun....i-i had..."

"it's fine seungcheol. it's fine."

\--

kihyun drives the rest of the way until they get to the next city over, pulling into a diner to eat. he buys pancakes for the both of them, still comforting seungcheol. he sighs when he sees the other still shaking and not eating at all, just staring into his food. "seungcheol...you know he's okay...." seungcheol just looks away from the other and looks down. he still has the scene of mingyus head being smashed into the pavement by a hammer. brain matter everywhere, pieces of his skull as blood- he shakes off the thought. 

it just makes him feel nauseous again.

he finally gets the guts to eat a whole pancake, pushing the plate away after that. kihyun sighs again as he notices seungcheol getting spaced out again, asking for a to go box.

_"seungcheolllieee, i want that bear!"_

_"jeonghan, no. it's seungcheols."_

seungcheol smiles warmly at the flash back as he enters it. the soft voice of little jeonghan makes him smile even more, starting to wrap around him like a warm blanket and comfort him.

_seungcheol holds the bear close as jeonghan growls and shoots dirty looks at him, even kicking him in the leg. he yelps at the sudden kick before smacking his snapback off his head. jeonghan runs up to it to grab it, hitting seungcheol with it as he hisses. "no jeonghan, you're not getting it."_

_"plllleeeaaase?"_

_"no."_

_jeonghan soon rips it out of seungcheols arms and growls, seungcheol rolling his eyes as he hisses. "i guess that's yours you bear thief."_

_he just smiles innocently at him, giggling as he starts to show the humongous bear all of the arcade games._

seungcheol is soon snapped out of his flash back with kihyun shaking him, holding a white box in his hand. he look sover at him and slowly nods at whatever he was asking before getting out of the booth and following kihyun, the other getting in the drivers seat as he sighs, being banished to the back again. he crawls into the back seat and lays on it, kihyun starting to drive off.

"we're stopping at cheongju, right?" seungcheol nods before he goes back into his mind, trying to dig up ever more memories.

he finally settles on one and smiles.

_"happy birthday to you.."_

_"no, let's just get to eating the cake!" jeonghan hisses as seungcheol laughs and places the cake in front of the boy on the makeshift book table. stuffed animals are surrounding the huge book table, thanks to jeonghan's humongous stuffed animal collection and book collecting. it's just them in the living room, jeonghan's parents gone for the day due to work._

_jeonghan finally makes a wish and blows out the candles with all of the breath he had, smiling up at the other as he claps before cutting a huge slice of the cake and putting it on the plate, handing it to jeonghan. he instantly digs into it, seungcheol getting a piece for himself and starting to slowly eat it, laughing at how jeonghan gets the blue icing all over his face._

_"cheollie, that was the best birthday cake i ever had!" the younger screams before hugging seungcheol tightly._

_"i'm glad you liked it, hannie." seungcheol smiles, placing a kiss on his forehead._

and then the flashback is suddenly interrupted again by a loud crunch of metal.


	17. note.

hello.

i am going through a hard time right now and might not be updating for awhile.

sorry, i've just...sigh

sorry.


	18. seventeen || repeat

_"this just in, a 22-year-old and 24-year-old male were both involved in a head-on car accident this morning on the outskirts of boeun. it seems like the cause of the accident was due to the driver dozing off. more details coming up soon."_

jeonghan takes a deep breath in, worried about who the two people might be. he had a feeling in his gut that it might of been seungcheol, but it wasn't confirmed. it couldn't be seungcheol. he thought he had vanished from the world and gone into hiding.

it just could've been him.

he sighs before getting up and making hot chocolate, sitting back down and taking a sip of it as a guilty feeling was edging at him - almost mixed in with anxiety and sadness -, the tv now off since he didn't want to know the rest of the details. if it was seungcheol, he wouldn't be able to even go near him again. if it wasn't, then maybe he'll find his number buried in the piles of papers in his old backpack and give him a call.

without mingyu comforting him, the feelings edge at him all day until the younger boy comes home. he completely dismisses jeonghan, not even giving him a kiss or a hug as he loosens his tie, unbuttons a couple of buttons on his dress shirt and slams the door to the bedroom.

jeonghan sighs, curling into a ball on the couch and going back to sleep.

\--

blinding lights hit his eyes as seungcheol jolts awake. but he's unable to move, his eyes only bursting open as he looks around and takes in the surroundings. a curtain with a pattern of different shades of blue, almost like a checkerd pattern was drawn around him, the metal hooks flickering off the bright light of the room. the covers feel thin under him, the cover on him thick. somethings digging into his arm and he feels like a weight is being pressed on his right leg and left arm.

and then a small beep.

sheer realization hits seungcheol - the hospital.

_the hospital._

he repeats it in his head as he just looks around with his eyes, his neck hurting too much for him to move his head. seungcheol strains them to look down at his body, and all he sees his a gown and several gauzes wrapped around his arms and his right arm. they're red with blood, making seungcheol cringe weakly since it hurt to cringe.

"ah, your awake." seungcheols eyes dart around until he realizes that the curtain was drawn back into it's original place, a nurse hovering over him as she does something. "you were in a car accident."

seungcheol suddenly starts to remember everything - how the car smashed into another, slid, flipped into the ditch and made kihyun go flying out onto the side of the road. the smell of gas comes back to seungcheol, the sound of it dripping as he lay weak in a weird position on the seat. blood was plastering his arms, cuts gashed his legs and the same arm and leg that's casted right now hurting like hell. the sound of him weakly calling out kihyuns name echos in his ears.

"k-kihyun." he barely manages to choke out, the girl looking at him with a puzzled expression before nodding and sighing.

"kihyun...kihyun didn't make it." the girl hesitates slightly, sighing and looking away at seungcheols cover before looking up at him, his eyes now lining with tears. 

kihyun was dead because he wanted to find jeonghan. kihyun was dead because he was too tired. kihyun was dead because of his stupid out of it moments and flashbacks. tears come down seungcheol face as he chokes out a sob, the nurse walking out without another word as he cries. 

"k-kihyun...i-i'm sorry..."

\--

jeonghan gets the news a day later.

the police knock on his door at the wee hours of the morning, jeonghan dragging himself out of bed and mingyus arms just to open the door. he get's a wave of anxiety when he sees them, welcoming the two officers in. they nod, coming in and sitting down on the couch as jeonghan sits on mingyus recliner.

"what-....what is it?" he chokes out, the officer sighing before spilling the news. at the mention of the car accident, jeonghan hides his head in his hands. at the mention of how seungcheols best friend kihyun was dead, seungcheol surviving with bad injury's, he bursts out crying.

"look on the bright side, sir. he was trying to look for you."

jeonghan sobs into his hands before looking up at the officer. "so, s-so he almost d-died because of me?! because of fucking me?!?" his voice raises as he stands up, one of the officers perking up, ready to restrain jeonghan as the other just sighs. "i cause everything d-don't i! t-this is just a never-ending cycle isnt i-it?!?'

"sir-"

"get out!" he screams before grabbing the officers and pushing them to the door. "get out get out get out!"

jeonghan slams the door once their out, collapsing against the door. he hides his head in his knees and continues crying.

he caused all of this - from him losing seungcheol when he was a kid to this, this right here. everything was getting in his and seungcheols way and all they wanted to do was to see each other again. that's all they wanted. but it was a never-ending cycle of bad luck, fate and want.

but life gets in the way in the most happiest of things, right?


	19. eighteen || welcome to the past

 

_the next couple of years was hard for jeonghan. from mingyu confessing, to him never seeing seungcheol again after that - it felt like he was losing everything in his reach. mingyu was consuming his life, everything was just mingyu, mingyu, mingyu. jeonghan never wanted him as his, but with the tradition of how 'everyone finds a love' during valentines day, he wondered how fucking smart people had to be to even make up that motto._

_he remembers waiting around that day on the bench for seungcheol to appear with chocolates, a drawing, bubbles, anything just for him that day. he wanted a confession from cheol. jeonghan's sudden attachment to the boy was strong - he'd never leave seungcheols sight or never not say hi when they lined up in the hallway for next class. it always made him feel butterflies when seungcheol smiled at him._

_even remembering his wide smile made him squirm around on the bench and have butterflies fill up his stomach again, like a beautiful feeling that was just waiting to be shown._

_he fixed his cap with a wide smile, hearing the circle that was around the two people who were facing each other cheer. another crush accepted._

_jeonghan hops off of the bench before he's suddenly grabbed and carried into the circle, him squirming around and screaming before he's dropped onto the dirt with a thump. he tears up slightly before forcing himself up and dusting off his overalls. he looks forward to see a tall, handsome boy step forward and he wonders if he's a second grader or not - maybe he was a third grader._

_jeonghan doesn't remember what he felt after that._

_it was just confusion._

_hurt as he accepted without thinking._

_a burst of guilt goes throughout him as jeonghans mind wanders again and settles on a clear memory._

_the memory of him moving out of his parents house just to go live with mingyu._

_or, his adoptive parents house. he was just sixteen, dumb and confused. trusting mingyu was stupid on his part - but since he had found out that mingyu was actually a year older than him days earlier, he had trusted him. he could hold them up for awhile - or atleast until he graduates._

_"mom, please, please. trust mingyu okay? if he's this successful and he's been a orphan for awhile, just please trust him okay?" jeonghan says softly, handing his dad a box to load in mingyus car._

_"the only reason he's successful jeonghan is because he probaly has some kind of fund or will that was passed down onto him!" his mom hisses, jeonghan's dad going up and rubbing her back._

_"yah, calm down baby. he's going to be just fine." he reassures the other as jeonghan gives his mom and dad a quick kiss on the cheek._

_"i love you guys." jeonghan smiles, a slight pang of sadness going through him as he sees his adoptive parents looks soften slightly as he gets in the car. his dad waves as they pull out of the driveway and down the road._

_and soon he regretted it._

_or, well, right now he was._

he snaps out of it as mingyu wraps his arms around him, kissing the bruises he recieved from him. 

and that's when the regret comes in.

_a loud shatter echos throughout jeonghans ears and the room._

_"dammit you little bitch!" mingyu shouts loudly, throwing a shard of the broken vase at jeonghans arm before yanking his arm and yanking the shard out. jeonghan screams in pain as he drops to the ground, mingyus foot being plummeted into his stomach - over and over and over. by the fifth kick, he's lost all sense of breathing, his ribs ached and lungs burned, and jeonghan was gasping for air._

_he felt the world slowly slip away from him as mingyu doesn't stop until, well, he doesn't know, he's lost his train of thought too, and he gasps even more for air. jeonghan doesn't finally get his breathing steady until two hours later._

_thats why he was being shoved into mingyus arms right now._

_it turned out that he had bipolar disorder._

_jeonghan's been dealing with this for a year._

_"c-cheol...p-please....help me..."_

 


	20. nineteen || a night on the town

jeonghan takes a breath as he finishes the last verse to dean's half moon. he's sitting on a stool, on a stage in the middle of a small little, somewhat of a pub? he would say a night club, but everyone's chill here.

he puts the microphone back on the stand as everyone starts cheering, him bowing and walking off the stage and out of the building, into the cold night. snow blankets the other buildings, the trees lined with snow hanging off their leaves as the whole city of seoul is sparkling. he loves the feeling on the snow crunching under his feet, the wind hitting his face like a kiss. he just loves winter - it adds onto the beauty of the world, like a smokescreen between what's been actually going on out there.

he sighs as he walks down to the 7/11 to get a ice cream, stopping as he enters a flashback for a spilt second before he looks up and jeonghan quickly shakes off the feeling of nostalgia he suddenly got before he continues to his destination. the chilly wind blows his hair around as he listens intently to the crunching of the snow under his feet as he enters the 7/11.

it's been years since he's been here and he's not used to coming to a 7/11 to get ice cream alone. it would always be with joshua or hansol, or maybe even seungcheol sometimes. jeonghan misses his childhood badly, he misses cheol, he misses joshua and hansol..

"hey!" jeonghan snaps his head up when he hears the voice to see hansol right in front of him, all grown up as he now has blonde hair messily on his head and clothes hanging loosely off his frame.

"hansol?" he asks and he nods, jeonghan hugging the other tightly.

"yah, han, i haven't seen you in awhile. how's it been? how's seungcheol?" 

jeonghan freezes up at the last question. he pulls away and soon he's in tears, leaning against hansol as he hugs him tightly, telling him everything from the car accident, the confession and how he's stuck with mingyu. he doesn't go back into reality until their sitting down at a snow covered park, licking their ice creams. jeonghan ponders while they sit there on why he loves ice cream so much during winter. 

"have you've gone to seen seungcheol?' jeonghan sighs at hansol's question - he's always too busy or too scared.

"no. i don't even know if he's alive. i'm a bad person. i just need to get away from mingyu and everything for awhile.... i need a break." jeonghan sighs again and he runs a hand through his hair. a year had passed and there was no whereabouts of seungcheol at all, not even at jeonghan's graduation last year. he was no where to be found, and no body had even heard of where he had been at. it was like he was playing hide and seek with everyone, with him as the main seeker.

"you're not a bad person, jeonghan. i understand why you've been trying to keep away from him. you never did anythin-"

"yes i did! yes i fucking did! i did everything wrong! i accepted mingyus confession, im never planning to get out of his shackles and now look! i almost kill an old crush because they were trying to find me, **_me_** , hansol!" jeonghan screams at the other who just looks at him in shock from the sudden outburst, him shaking his head. "i d-don't even know anything a-about seungcheol anymore."

jeonghan blinks some tears away as hansol instantly wraps his arms around the other, stroking his hair softly and whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

"yah, jeonghannie...this is all not your fault. believe me okay? believe your american hyung. believe in him." hansol whispers softly, the other smiling alittle as he pulls away. 

"i'll see if he's still alive."

and the next day, he grabs all his things, heads out of the apartment and catches a ride on the bus.


	21. twenty || "i'm here to see choi seungcheol"

jeonghan pauses before he enters the hospital. he looks down at his bag to see the bear with the red ribbon peeking out. _check._

 

pushing the door open, he looks around at the pretty decorations in awe. "i wonder if seungcheol came here alot." jeonghan mutters under his breath before walking towards the desk, smiling softly at the receptionist. "i'm here to see choi seungcheol." the girl nods and hands him a paper, him quickly signing it and then going on his way.

once he gets there, he takes a deep breath at the door and his eyes glance over at the name plate right beside it.

 

_"345: choi seungcheol."_

 

there's some small little drawings on the paper inside, making him smile before he opens the door.

 

"who's there?" seungcheols soft voice rings out as jeonghan fully steps inside, putting down the bag and taking out the stuffed animal. now jeonghan was the one who was taking care of seungcheol. "hey, cheollie." gulping, he tries to hold back tears because of how bad the other looked as seungcheol just watches in confusion while jeonghan walks slowly towards him and places the bear right next to him.

 

seungcheol looks over at it and grabs him, blinking. "b-bear.", he croaks out before putting it back down. 

 

"yeah seungcheol! it's your bear!" jeonghan tries to ignore the gashes on seungcheols forehead and the bruised skin.

 

"i k-know. just d-didn't expect it." seungcheol sighs and looks over at his casted arm before looking back down. "k-kihyun..." jeonghan swallows at the tears forming on the edge of seungcheols eyes and instantly hugs him. bursting out crying, seungcheol wrapped his arms around jeonghan and hugged him tightly, loving the feeling of jeonghan's warmth wrapped around him again. "j-jeonghannie, i thought i-i'd never see you again. don't go, don't go, don't go!" he sounded like four-year-old jeonghan at the moment, jeonghan just sighing and pulling away.

 

"seungcheol....i-i won't." he smiles sadly, wiping a tear away that came down. the other looked up at him with a soft smile, his lip slightly busted. 

 

"kihyun d-didn't make it. he w-was smashed into the ground. it...i-it was terrible..." seungcheol muttered in horror, the events of the car accident coming back to him all at once. crushed metal, parts of kihyun's brain, bones sticking up out of nowhere. and seungcheol had survived all of it.

 

but why did he survive all of it? he was destined to die, he knew that for fact. trying to find a long lost lover? the context was suddenly stupid now. or maybe his mindset changed. seungcheol just doesn't know why he had to sacrifice kihyun in order to get jeonghan back.

 

"j-jeonghan? can you get me yogurt from the cafeteria?"

 

jeonghan nods and goes on his way, leaving seungcheol alone with his thoughts.

 

* * *

 

 

in the middle of the night, seungcheol wakes up again to think. jeonghan is slunched back in a chair, snoring lightly. 

 

here was jeonghan in all his glory. here was the boy he was looking to locate for years. and now with a simple car accident, all of that had changed. yeah, he didn't want jeonghan to leave again. he didn't want jeonghan to go through hell again. (how can he tell, you ask? jeonghan hadn't covered up a bruise right.) seungcheol wanted to go back to seoul, murder mingyu and then take jeonghan with him to america. but he'd probably get caught at the airport. seungcheols mindset on everything changed drastically all in one day.

 

or maybe he just got hit in the head during the accident.

 

"seungcheol?"

 

seungcheols head jerks over to where jeonghan was. he was awake now, squinting.

 

"yeah?"

 

"why are you awake?"

 

seungcheol just shrugs. "thinking. that's it." 

 

"do you want me to cuddle you?"

 

his face gets hot and butterflies are suddenly filling his stomach. seungcheol hadn't cuddled with jeonghan in years and now he was acting like a little kid again. "maybe."

 

jeonghan gets up from the chair and manages to scoot his way into the small bed, wrapping his arms around seungcheol as he nuzzled into his chest. 

 

"i thought you were gonna be the big spoon?" seungcheol chuckles and scratches his finger. "don't feel like it." he replies with a babyish voice, and seungcheol could feel his lip barely poking his chest. he chuckles again before wrapping his arms around jeonghan, their positions weird. he's abit uncomfortable but he couldn't care less. 

 

as long as jeonghan was in his arms forever.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	22. twenty-one || revenge, secrets, and a accident

the day seungcheol gets out, he drags jeonghan to his home in seoul and tells him to stay out of the back room.

 

"the back room is for seungcheol only."

 

jeonghan nods and stays stationed mostly in the living room, or the kitchen as he wonders what he's doing. 

 

seungcheol, accompanied by 12 hour skype calls with his friend in new york, he was staying sane locked up in that tiny room. a board with a lot of papers and strings pinned to it and a big ol' desk with a small computer on it with some soda cans here there and it was crushing seungcheol in. his last resort for comfort was a sleeping bag shoved into the corner of the room with his personal laptop ontop of it. the other one was for stalking.

 

"have you've found anything on mingyu yet?"

 

"not exactly. his exact location is getting all mixed up, like if he knows he's gonna get fucking killed."

 

"you're not gonna kill him and then move here, r-right?" 

 

seungcheol snorts before letting out a long laugh, meanwhile making jeonghan think he's gone insane.

 

"no. maybe. i dunno. haven't thought that far yet. i just want revenge." seungcheol replies in a low voice, making his friend gulp. "surely you don't think i'll actually kill him, hmm?"

 

his friend gulps again. he doesn't know what to say. he's learned better not to assume things when seungcheol was pumping with rage and alot of other things. but this time, he fucked up.

 

"hmm? do you, minghao? do you?" a nasty smirk creeps up on seungcheol face, and a shiver goes down minghao's spine.

 

"n-no." he stutters out before being met with a 'how would you rate this call'? screen, minghao instantly fiddling around with his fingers and wondering if seungcheol was gonna come for him next.

 

here's the thing, seungcheol has had this side locked up for god knows how long. it first came out of him when he was eighteen, and unfortunately, minghao was there to see all of it. and now here he is again, first row seat and now suddenly second in line to get murdered. another chill goes through his spine. the drugs did unspeakable things to seungcheols mind, and even though he was apart of seungcheols mini drug ring as the tester, he didn't come out that fucked up.

_hopefully._

anyways, minghao's idea of murdering mingyu was getting to seungcheol, and soon he was typing away on his computer, looking for whereabouts of mingyu, how to get away with murder and other things.

 

and jeonghan? he was sitting with his back against seungcheols door silently sobbing.

* * *

 

 

"you can't kill every single person that's hurt me, cheol."

 

the words shoot through seungcheol like a sharp arrow. he drops his spoon back in his cereal and looks up at jeonghan. the room suddenly goes quiet.

 

"yes i fucking can. they've hurt you. now they've gotta go through me." he scowls, getting up and grabbing his bowl. 

 

"this conversation is over." and a door slams.

 

jeonghan is now frozen to his seat, his hands starting to shake again. never has he felt so much fear towards seungcheol, let alone any fear. tears blur his vision and a small sob comes out. he hears seungcheol laughing again, but it doesn't make him happy. it only makes him shiver even more. what has seungcheol become? what happened to the soft, caring, parent-like seungcheol? what happened to that? did the medicine at the hospital fuck him up? just what the fuck happened?!

 

he wipes away his tears and gets up, putting his bowl away. jeonghan hugs himself tightly and takes in the scent of seungcheol's hoodie. another sob comes out of him, more tears falling down his face. he just couldn't get over seungcheols sudden burst of fury. 

 

while jeonghan was having a pity party, meanwhile seungcheol was already sharpening blades to get ready for the murder. his personal laptop was being spammed with skype calls and messages from minghao, seungcheol ignoring them with a slight scoff. minghao wasn't going to stop him now.

 

sounds of metal against metal echoed throughout the room which made him grit his teeth. he glided it over his thumb slightly after sharpening it and winced instantly as blood dripped onto the floor.

 

_perfect._

 

a loud laugh comes out of seungcheols mouth and he throws the knife against the wall, it stabbing into a picture of mingyu. everything was coming into place.

 

tomorrow, when mingyu's in the starfield coex mall, seungcheol will end kim mingyu's reign of terror **once and for all.**

 

* * *

 

_it was supposed to be a assassination._

 

 

loud piercing screams echo throughout seungcheol's ears as he stabs the knife into jeonghans chest. blood comes spurting out and onto his white button-up, seungcheol's stone face turning into a face of regret. he yanks the knife out on reflex, dropping it right away and looking down at the other. mingyu just stares at jeonghan's figure as seungcheol instantly scoops jeonghan up, crying into his hair. the other runs away, not wanting to deal with whatever seungcheol just attempted to do. there's soon distressed voices of people calling 911 as seungcheol keeps on crying.

 

choi seungcheol was now a criminal who hit the wrong target. the wrong target was his best friend, his lover, _his sun._ and all of that was destroyed instantly with one fucking plan. 

 

he softly puts jeonghan back on the floor before getting yanked away by the police, them harshly cuffing him and then dragging him out. emt workers run in and start to attempt to revive jeonghan, but to no luck so far. seungcheol takes another look over at jeonghans dead body and the people surrounding it, clutching his fists and lurching backward. " **JEONGHAN!"** the people turn to seungcheol, all of them scowling and crying. he lets out a sob, now crying again as his psychotic state fades away.


End file.
